Chapter 1: Journey to Authenticity

Recall how Dorothy navigated the Emerald Forest in her quest to reach the wizard, hoping he could guide her home. She bravely confronted the Wicked Witch of the West, flying monkeys, and various other challenges along her path. Her determination to return home was so profound that nothing could deter her. Ultimately, she discovered that the power to return was within her all along—symbolized by the ruby slippers she possessed.

Now, imagine yourself in Dorothy's shoes. It’s a daunting thought.

That was my reality when I encountered one of the most devastating moments of my life. I felt utterly lost, paralyzed by fear, and trapped in a dark abyss with no clear way out. It was as if a door had been slammed shut on my very soul. I had lost my husband—my business partner, mentor, and best friend—and was left without direction.

After 15 years of building our business together, where we shared every aspect of our lives—discussing work over meals and even while preparing for the day—I now faced an uncertain future alone. I was unsure of how to proceed.

"The slightest deviation from truth is magnified over time." — Aristotle

Gradually, I found myself living a life that felt disjointed from who I truly wanted to be. I lost sight of my dreams and aspirations. The weight of my responsibilities felt overwhelming, especially as I navigated parenting my six-year-old daughter while moving my elderly mother-in-law into a nursing home—all while maintaining a façade of normalcy at work.

In times of chaos, many of us turn to quick sources of pleasure for relief, often leading to unhealthy choices when we feel we lack control over our lives.

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The Importance of Self-Awareness

One day, I made a conscious decision to initiate change. Surrounded by family and friends who cared about me, I realized I needed to alter my mindset and behaviors. However, before I could transform, I had to confront my fears. I took a moment to write down the things that frightened me most, which included:

1. The fear of living without Paul. I had always considered myself a strong woman, yet my identity felt deeply intertwined with his. Was I still the same person? Was I being disingenuous when I spoke or trained new agents? The answer was yes; I just needed to reconnect with my true self—the one who was not hiding behind self-pity.
2. Accepting that our shared dreams could not simply become my dreams. I realized I could not rebuild our business alone amidst my other responsibilities. Thus, I needed to carve out a new path and set fresh goals that would reignite my sense of purpose.
3. Acknowledging that significant change requires time. We had built a thriving enterprise over years of hard work, and I understood my new aspirations needed to fit my current life.

I also recognized that maintaining my health was crucial for achieving my ambitions, especially as I had the responsibility of raising a remarkable child.

Photo by Dingzeyu Li on Unsplash

The Currency of Self-Awareness

Self-awareness became my most valuable asset. Without it, I couldn’t pinpoint what needed to change. I began to understand my responsibilities and the importance of owning my narrative, even if I didn’t always like where I found myself. To live authentically, I had to embrace my situation and take action.

The first crucial step was to stop viewing myself as a victim. While I had endured a traumatic event, I was still here, still alive.

Lessons Learned

I learned that change is challenging, which is why many people resist it. They often wait for the next source of pleasure to distract them, only to revert to feelings of pity when it dissipates. I was determined not to fall into that trap; change became my only option.

I had not just lost Paul; I had lost the business we had built together. The anger and bitterness consumed me, and I spent countless hours trying to rectify what had gone wrong. Eventually, I realized I had to let go and move forward.

Creating a new life demanded that I become adaptable and open to new possibilities. It wasn’t easy; I needed to distance myself from those who didn’t have my best interests at heart. Letting go of anger and resentment was essential, and above all, I had to believe in myself and reconnect with who I was.

The memories of my life with Paul will always be a part of me. Although we shared a wonderful life, that chapter had closed. I now focus on building a new life—different but fulfilling—and it's entirely my own.

Thank you for taking the time to read my journey. If you're facing challenges that hinder your progress, remember: you can overcome them. All it takes is commitment to the work ahead.

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