Chapter 1: Understanding Silence

Many people often claim that silence is the ultimate response to any issue. While I once subscribed to this belief, my experiences have taught me that this isn't always the best strategy. In moments of anger, silence can indeed be powerful, yet it’s not universally applicable.

Reflecting on my college years—about five years ago—I was known for my aggressive demeanor. I didn’t just voice my discontent; I expressed my anger in ways that occasionally hurt those around me. In those heated moments, I would shout and say hurtful things, not out of malice, but rather from an emotional outburst. I even resorted to throwing objects like pillows, though thankfully not at anyone. My friends and family labeled me as aggressive, and they weren’t mistaken.

Photo by Liza Summer

Recognizing that my approach was flawed, I began working on my anger management. I immersed myself in self-help content, and after several months, I felt more in control of my emotions. Instead of reacting impulsively, I started to ignore provocations. I chose silence when friends or family made hurtful remarks, believing I had mastered the art of letting things go. However, this was far from the truth.

Rather than releasing my feelings, I was merely bottling them up. I thought I was being mature and wise by keeping my silence, but in reality, I was just repressing my emotions. I transitioned from impulsive reactions to selective silence, even hiding my true feelings from my loved ones. I convinced myself that voicing my thoughts would lead to conflict, thinking I was preserving harmony, while in reality, I was nurturing frustration within.

It took a considerable amount of time before I recognized the toll this bottled-up frustration was taking on me. Externally, I appeared fine, continuing with my daily routine, but internally, something was amiss. To cope, I began documenting my feelings, which was somewhat therapeutic, but it left me feeling unsettled.

Photo by Cottonbro Studio

My family started noticing my distress. They questioned why I didn’t share my feelings, why I kept everything bottled up. But I had become accustomed to silence. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to open up; I had repressed my emotions for so long that I found it difficult to articulate them. This was particularly troubling, as I could no longer express my feelings, neither to others nor to myself. I kept telling myself I was okay, but deep down, I knew I wasn’t.

After finally recognizing my struggle, I decided to reach out differently. I began sharing my feelings with my best friend instead of writing them down. She listened and understood, providing comfort and sharing her experiences, which was far more helpful than writing ever could be. The key difference was that, when speaking with a friend, you receive empathy and shared experiences—something a piece of paper can never offer.

Photo by Cliff Booth

Yet, I noticed that the anger resurfaced whenever I encountered the person who had upset me. Still, I was relieved not to be feeling miserable constantly. I was glad that I managed to remain calm in the face of my family’s remarks, preserving peace at home.

One day, however, a trivial disagreement with my mother prompted me to speak up. I voiced my feelings, raising my voice in the process. Following our argument, she retreated to her room, while I went to work. Surprisingly, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders. For the first time in a long while, I had expressed my emotions, even if it was anger. That evening, when I returned home, my mother acted as if nothing was wrong. She even offered me coffee and acknowledged that, although she had been upset, she appreciated my willingness to express my feelings. She reminded me that people cannot read minds; if I remain silent, how can anyone understand what troubles me?

Photo by Karolina

Through that conversation with my mother, I grasped the significance of expressing genuine feelings in relationships. While silence might maintain peace in the short term, it can ultimately cause more harm than good. Love, trust, and respect form the foundation of relationships, but these elements cannot flourish without open communication. In my attempt to release my anger, I had inadvertently stifled my ability to communicate my feelings. Why should I be able to express love but not fear, pain, sadness, or anger?

I don’t advocate for shouting, misbehaving, or throwing things when angry. Such reactions are not constructive. Instead, it’s crucial to pause, reflect, and discuss your feelings. If immediate communication isn’t possible, consider discussing it later or writing it down; the key is to avoid burying your emotions.

Photo by Writer

Even the strongest relationships will face disagreements and moments of anger, but the strength lies in the mutual decision to listen and be open with one another. While it’s essential to let go of anger, it’s equally important not to relinquish the art of communication.

Thus, while silence may be appropriate in certain circumstances, it isn’t always the best response—at least, not in my experience.

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This article was published on August 28th, 2024 in Deep. Sweet. Valuable. publication.

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