Chapter 1: The Challenges of Therapy

The journey to heal from trauma can sometimes lead to unexpected conflicts, especially when therapy sessions devolve into debates about personal beliefs and values.

The principal characteristic of a problematic therapist is their tendency to impose their own truths onto you. Rather than facilitating understanding, their analysis often becomes a form of manipulation.

Initially, I appreciated the challenge presented by my therapist. Having someone counter my views felt authentic; I was unaccustomed to having my perspectives validated. However, as time passed, it became clear that he was projecting his antifeminist views instead of engaging in constructive questioning.

Having sought help after a traumatic sexual assault, I was shocked when he suggested that the assaulter was simply "young and foolish" and implied that the incident was not personal. His comments, such as insinuating that my distress stemmed from the assailant's lack of attractiveness, left me feeling trapped and belittled.

When I mentioned feeling insecure about my achievements, he dismissed my concerns, claiming that men only care about physical appearance and sexual appeal. My belief that there should be more to relationships was met with ridicule, leaving me devastated.

I found myself in a situation where my vulnerabilities were exploited and my concerns trivialized. His language, riddled with terms like "high-value" and "low-value," seemed to strip away the essence of what made my experiences valid, reducing them to mere judgments of worth.

In one instance, when I expressed my feelings of inadequacy, he questioned why that mattered. The implication that societal standards for men and women differ only reinforced my frustration.

The most disheartening aspect was the way our sessions often felt like a debate where I was at a disadvantage. His analysis of my past relationships was colored by his biases, framing my experiences through a patriarchal lens rather than recognizing the abusive dynamics at play.

I realized that his judgments were steeped in his own biases, which he projected onto me, making it difficult to have an honest and open dialogue about my experiences. My attempts to discuss feminist perspectives were met with condescension, as he failed to recognize the validity of my viewpoints.

One evening, a friend remarked on my tendency to engage with those who challenge me. This reflection made me realize that the debates I engaged in were futile; there was no resolution to be found with individuals entrenched in their beliefs.

What ultimately prompted me to reassess my therapeutic relationship was a dismissive comment regarding a crush I had. My feelings were misinterpreted as a superficial attraction rather than a genuine connection, further highlighting his inability to empathize with my experiences.

Despite feeling lost, I found solace in a friendship that encouraged me to explore my own identity and aspirations. This support became a lifeline during my struggles, igniting a desire to challenge the negative narratives instilled in me.

In the book "How Not to Kill Yourself," Clancy Martin emphasizes the importance of hope and the possibility of tomorrow. In my darkest moments, I resolved to prove my therapist wrong, creating a vision board filled with images of empowered women who inspired me.

The core issue I faced was not just a lack of direction, but also a feeling of unworthiness. My therapist's words only deepened my existential despair. However, I came to understand that reality is a social construct that can be reshaped.

After deciding to end my sessions, I felt a sense of relief akin to breaking free from a toxic relationship. Although I experienced loneliness at first, I realized that I was gaining independence and strength.

I am determined to define my own life, embracing the inevitable challenges along the way. Self-hatred may linger, but it is a part of my journey, not my identity.

In seeking to understand my reality, I reject the notion of becoming another statistic. I believe that with enough resilience, we can defy expectations and carve our own paths.

Instead of getting lost in intellectual debates, I've committed myself to active engagement and purposeful action. Research indicates that distracting oneself from negative emotions can be more beneficial than overanalyzing them.

I began my journey with Descartes' "I think, therefore, I am," and have evolved to embrace Simone Weil's "I will, therefore, I am." My will to live and thrive is my guiding force, and I am resolute in proving my former therapist wrong.

In the first video, "Exposing How Mental Health Services Are Doing More Harm than Good" by Abigail Shrier, the discussion delves into the troubling aspects of mental health services and their potential to cause more harm than healing.

The second video, "CRACKED: Why Psychiatry is Doing More Harm Than Good" by James Davies, explores the pitfalls of psychiatry, critiquing how it often fails to address the root causes of mental health issues.