Finding Balance: The Importance of Guarding Our Sense Doors
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Chapter 1: The Role of Temperance in Our Lives
To thrive, it is essential that we cultivate and foster an environment characterized by temperance — a balance and moderation in our daily experiences.
In her insightful blog, "Not Forgetting to Guard the Sense Doors," Marguerite Manteau-Rao (2010) highlights a remarkable Dharma book, Who Is My Self?: A Guide to Buddhist Meditation, authored by Ayya Khema. Khema emphasizes that "protecting the sense doors is crucial for achieving a tranquil and harmonious existence, free from the pitfalls of desiring what we lack or resenting what we possess."
Every day, whether consciously or unconsciously, we impact one another. Our surroundings condition us through various mediums like music, films, advertisements, and news. In an age overflowing with information, it's vital to discern which fears are genuine threats and which merely hinder our growth.
As I noted in Our World is Full of Color (Hernandez, 2022), the Association for Psychological Science (2018) reveals that "our perception is not a true reflection of reality but a mental construct influenced by our emotional states." We are shaped by our experiences; we embody the universe around us. Our beliefs and thoughts inform our actions, making character essential.
Are you being swayed by social media?
Our constant exposure to sexually charged advertisements and provocative imagery can trigger physiological arousal and highlight our unmet emotional needs for esteem and connection. This societal phenomenon leads to a cycle of emotionally compromised individuals, impairing our judgment and decision-making.
Mark Manson (2021) asserts that "humans have evolved to utilize sex to satisfy psychological needs rather than physical ones." He further argues that "there's no proof that celibacy or asexuality harms us physically or mentally. In fact, the risks associated with sex may outweigh its benefits." He elaborates on how biological processes encourage us to bond deeply, at least long enough to nurture healthy offspring.
Sex is a biological function rather than a necessity; our sexual urges are often reactions to stimuli. While we are naturally inclined to seek a few close relationships, we may also misuse sex to address psychological voids such as security, self-worth, and connection. This drive to procreate is rooted in our survival instinct, and unfulfilled emotional needs can lead us to seek sex as a quick solution, akin to drugs or other temporary pleasures.
So, how do we manage sexual urges? How can we mitigate the triggers that surround us?
Security can manifest in various forms, primarily through trust built within our personal circles or environment. Self-esteem develops through overcoming challenges, while autonomy grows from confidence in our choices, diminishing our reliance on external validation.
On a subconscious level, or perhaps even through intentional manipulation, society intertwines sexual function with psychological needs via social media and daily interactions. Sexual encounters evoke powerful emotions by releasing bonding hormones, leaving lasting impressions in our minds. While I see sex as a means of fostering connection, others may exploit it for manipulation or coercion.
"Never trade temporary pleasure for permanent regret." — Dave Willis
Humans inherently need relationships, yet sex is not a prerequisite for meaningful connections. We must learn to filter the incessant triggers presented to us through media, including advertisements and entertainment.
Matthew Kelly elegantly articulates this in his video, The Ultimate Weapon Against HeadTrash, where he prompts us to consider whether our content consumption promotes a healthy mindset.
Awakening and enlightenment stem from knowledge and understanding, which are vital for enacting positive social change. Paul Bernabei (2021), director of Top 20 Training, reflects on Matthew Kelly's insights in Life is Messy, stating, "We are each other's wounded healers. We possess the gold dust needed to mend others, enhancing their beauty and worth. Our love and kindness are the gold dust."